Useless Monsters

I haven't read certain vampire books that are popular, but I will say I think there are too many vampire/werewolf/monster love books. The prompt for today is: Take a vampire, werewolf, or any other beastie that goes bump in the night, and give them a kind of useless attribute. Example: A vampire that doesn't suck blood, but sucks helium or a were creature that is a were-chinchilla. I hope people are enjoying these as much as I enjoy putting them up.